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If a Republican...If a Democrat....

Read this today:

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Republican is concerned with oil dependence, he limits his energy use and looks
for alternative energy sources.
A Democrat will demand that no one use any oil.

If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it and say it's racist because he's "offended".
Sorry Obama-bots…Americans have got your number!

I got annoyed and had a moment so I made some...adjustments:


If a Republican doesn't like guns, he blames the filthy brown liberals when he gets shot.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he really just wants some gun control to protect his kids and avoids Ted Nugent.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he eats giant steaks because he still enjoys killing stuff
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he tells the people better ways to feed themselves and their families. Usually involving Tofurkey ;)

If a Republican is homosexual, he lies about it then gets caught on 20/20 with Leroi the Rent Boi.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands respect and the freedom to be himself out of the dark closet.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how the middle class and poor can support him.
A Democrat relies on those he's helped when they were down and out themselves to help lift him up again.

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he lies about that person's character and insinuates that Jesus hates that unamerican SOB.
Democrats just laugh about it on the Daily Show and the Colbert Report :-D

If a Republican is a non-believer, he lies and says he believes so his friends will still like him and he can somehow make money from his "faith".
A Democrat non-believer just doesn't want his children brainwashed or more people tortured and killed in the name of White Jebus.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he finds a tax break, loop hole, etc. to get it for nothing or next to nothing
A Democrat wants everyone to help pay so everyone can have good fair care.

If a Republican is concerned with oil dependence, he finds ways to make as much money as he can before its gone no matter who gets hurt.
A Democrat will look for alternative energy sources like wind power, while riding a bike or driving a Prius or something...

If a Republican reads this, he'll shake his fists about the dang liberal media and their lies.
A Democrat will send it to Jon Stewart and Keith Olbermann and Lewis Black, and we'd send it to George Carlin if we could...

Sorry Rethuglicans, America's really sick of your greedy bullshit ;)


Post your "If a Republican...If a Democrat..." :)

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
sofvckinghot
Jul. 20th, 2010 04:18 pm (UTC)
*DED*
then gets caught on 20/20 with Leroi the Rent Boi.

1970-2010
witchsistah
Jul. 20th, 2010 11:39 pm (UTC)
Re: *DED*
Okay! That right thar done KILLT me!
homasse
Jul. 21st, 2010 12:31 pm (UTC)
Re: *DED*
For serious; saw that one and just keeled over. XD
anagramofbrat
Jul. 20th, 2010 04:41 pm (UTC)
If a Republican uses words like 'nucular' and 'refudiate' in speeches they are lauded for originality and thinking outside the box
A Democrat will look at said Republican, question the state of the American education system, and then make fun of them on Twitter.

Edited at 2010-07-20 04:42 pm (UTC)
jadedone2many
Jul. 20th, 2010 04:58 pm (UTC)
Zing! Yes! I love it! LOL
masteradept
Jul. 20th, 2010 05:21 pm (UTC)
THIS!!!
nepthys_12
Jul. 20th, 2010 05:46 pm (UTC)
WIN!!!
flaxendandelion
Jul. 21st, 2010 08:43 am (UTC)
I don't know of any left-leaning person who did that because of those two words, but rather one particular person's inability to pronounce them properly.
cognative
Jul. 20th, 2010 04:51 pm (UTC)
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

so if Republican, stays in the closet as to not bother anyone.
if dem demands crazy shit like basic respect. Maybe even rights.
the_zedster
Jul. 20th, 2010 04:59 pm (UTC)
Right?
flaxendandelion
Jul. 21st, 2010 08:44 am (UTC)
I don't know, does Larry Craig lead a quiet homosexual life?
the_zedster
Jul. 20th, 2010 05:05 pm (UTC)
I hope you posted this right back where you found the original drivel.
bellarisa
Jul. 20th, 2010 05:12 pm (UTC)
Yes indeed :)
(Deleted comment)
the_zedster
Jul. 20th, 2010 06:03 pm (UTC)
Re: a minor correction
Good point. All repubs are rich…though they'd like to be.
littleeva
Jul. 21st, 2010 03:32 pm (UTC)
If a Republican is a homosexual he gets married buys kids and THEN gets caught on TMZ with a rent boy who then sells his story to the Enquirer and gets his own reality show.
neonix25
Jul. 21st, 2010 05:02 pm (UTC)
Lawd, you know republicans love nothing better than quiet faggots who don't make them uncomfortable with their... you know problems about life, rights, or trying to demand equality.

roseofjuly
Jul. 22nd, 2010 07:37 am (UTC)
Republicans are all about the self-reliance and quiet living myth, as long as it's not their life that's getting affected. So a gay person is supposed to "quietly lead his life" but if you're a Christian and you can't loudly mention God and religion anywhere and everywhere you want, that's bad. Why is there a double standard for that?
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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